Waxing Poetically: Addressing Culture with a Twist of Poetry

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“I’m going to blow it up. It obstructs my view of Venus.” - Marvin the Martian on his plans for Earth

Well it’s finally come… that day that everyone who breathes that wondrously breezy thing called air has been waiting for! It’s been confirmed that NASA has found discernible proof that water did exist on Mars at one time! The Phoenix Mars Lander has uncovered mineral remnants of water on the ground away from the planet’s polar ice caps… and of course water is a fundamental building block of life as we know it, but unfortunately, no little green men or Looney Tunes-style “Space Mmmmodulatooors” were found at the scene… Waah!

Space.com: “We don’t know the form of the water, beyond the fact that there is too much there to be explained solely by water bound in minerals” -Reseacher Maria Zuber Zuber said. “So chunks, a layer, etc. are all possibilities. The [Phoenix] observation is an important advance in our understanding of water on Mars, and continued sampling will undoubtedly add to the story.

Still, principle investigator Peter Smith reminds us not to jump any sudden conclusions and The X Files‘ Moulder and Skully aren’t needed just yet:

“Just the fact that there’s ice there doesn’t tell you if it’s habitable,” Smith said. “With ice and no food it’s not a habitable zone. We don’t eat rocks — we have to have carbon chain materials that we ingest into our bodies to create new cells and give us energy. That’s what we eat and that’s what has to be there if you’re going to have a habitable zone on Mars.”

I wonder though. If life did exist, was it like our form of it? Did Mars have civilization i.e. cultural events, holidays, religion, currency? (I’m Picturing Martian Christmas as I write this). Did it have all the mind numbing crap we have like VH1’s I Love the 20,000’s and weird food like Lunchables? What was the food like? Was any of it blue (in homage to the late George Carlin’s idea that blue food might bestow immortality)? Well that last one might not be true just because if it were, the Martian’s might still be alive. Then again, there’s always Michael Jackson and Carrot Top! Also, obviously Martian’s wouldn’t call their planet Mars. Maybe, Steve. That’s it! They probably called it Steve. Anyway, I think the spirit of George Carlin officially has possessed me. So until we meet here again… wax the night away! I still be working on that Space Mmmmodulator in my basement!

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